A reader's story of her struggle to find Inner Peace
Guest article by Rose Wood
Introduction by Occult Mysteries
The following heart-felt article sent to us by a reader who has learnt an important lesson needs no comment. It speaks for itself, and will resonate within the hearts and minds of all those who suffer the many injustices and cruelties of this veil of tears in their efforts to climb the narrow way that leads to Light and Liberation.
Our customary afterword is a short extract from The Quest of Ruru by J Michaud PhD on the Higher and lower selves of man.
I am weary. Weary of the endless tirade of nonsense blatting in ugly discord through the gloomy recesses of my lower mind, that part of my mind which thrives on drama, pain, and heartache. I work hard to silence the darksome thoughts, seeking always for that "Peace that passeth all understanding". Round and round the habitual words spin in my head, speaking harshly of my inadequacy; my seeming inability to purge myself of past distress for good.
"There must be something wrong with me", the tired mantra pounds between my ears, its birth having occurred so far back in my memory I don't remember a time when it was not. All the slights I have felt, all the cruelty visited on me, all the unkindness and disrespect aimed in my direction, every insensitive, stabbing word-attack roils through the gray nether world inside my mind, reopening the wounds I have worked so hard to heal. I feel despair, despair of ever reaching that place of peace so fervently sought. I go within. I pray. I seek to forgive, and yet there it is again. . ."There must be something wrong with me", beating its negative rhythm over and over in my brain.
Somewhere in the long ago days of my childhood, I came to believe that if I treated others with kindness and respect and was not treated likewise in return, then the fault must lie with me. Ah, the irrational beliefs cemented in the formative years which can take a lifetime to purge! "If I could just be perfect enough", my naïve mind reasoned, "others would love me and treat me with kindness". The futility of this effort came forcefully home when a loved one once snarled at me, "Too bad the rest of us can't be as perfect as you are!"
So, on this day, my weariness reaches its zenith and I know it is time to let go of all the accumulated wounds that have festered in my heart for a lifetime. I know I am led by a higher Light to listen to the words of a favourite author. This author states that one of the steps to letting go of past hurt is to ask oneself, "What part did I play in the hurtful dynamics?" Instantly, I feel defensive. "But I have always tried to be kind to others", I inwardly object. "What part could I have possibly played?!"
For many days I wrestled with this question, "what part did I play?", over and over, determined to find the answer; determined to heal. And then one day, in the predawn quiet, unable to sleep further, the answer softly comes to me: "I took it personally!" Rather than understanding that I am not responsible for the choices/actions of others, "I took it personally." I allowed their stinging barbs to eat away at my sense of self, eroding my confidence and damaging my inner peace.
In that instant, the lifetime of accumulated heartache was gone. "I know who I am", I tell myself, truly believing it for the first time. I see with sudden clarity that in my habitual yearning for life to be easy and without strife, I have failed to see that darkness simply is. I cannot wish it away. I cannot take it personally. I cannot expect others to be more than they can be. Even more importantly, I can choose to feel gratitude for the darkness, for in it lies the potential for transmutation, the glory of alchemy.
I am like the seed planted into the dark, rocky, infertile soil. I tentatively germinate only to be buffeted by storms, wind, drought, and cold. Weeds crowd my space and steal my needed water, heedless of my needs in the drive to satisfy their own. Nevertheless, I reach my limbs toward the Sun and I hold firm, growing strong in my efforts to not only survive, but to thrive. In the monumental exertion required to conquer the darkness, I am transformed—no, transmuted from the timid seed into the powerful oak. The weeds have ceased to hold any sway over me. The winds only strengthen me. The storms come and go, and still I stand, reaching ever upward toward the Light. This is the pure alchemy of choosing Peace, no matter the obstacles along my way.
And now I am free. The endless winds of inner torment have ceased to buffet me, replaced by the silence of sweet Peace. I stand tall in my humble space, quietly rejoicing in the freedom I have worked so hard to gain. I feel as if the secret glow in my heart will surely grow until it can no longer be contained in the prison of my body and must fly away Home to the heavenly Light that is the Father of all that is. I am overcome with gratitude, for I know I have not walked this path alone or in vain. I know.
Article © Rose Wood. Afterword © Copyright J Michaud PhD and occult-mysteries.org.
All worldwide rights reserved. Published 1 January 2018.