Bombast and Flitterflop investigate

The second in an occasional series of topical investigations with a humorous twist


For the benefit of new readers we should add that despite, or perhaps because of their rather silly names, Bombast and Flitterflop are real individuals, well-known to the authors of this website, whose names we have changed to protect their identities. In this second investigation they ask whether the coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic was part of an evil global conspiracy or a monumental cock-up. They sift the evidence for both possibilities and explore the many plausible, and many more completely implausible theories circulating about the pandemic we have dubbed 'Mad Covid Disease.'

You might ask: "What has a flu virus got to do with Occult Science?" The answer we gave in the first of our articles on the coronavirus pandemic was "Nothing and everything." Nothing, because neither epidemiology, virology or politics come within the scope of occultism per se, but fear and freedom most certainly do. If there is one thing which we would classify as pure evil, it is fear. Nothing deprives us of our God-given freedom of thought and action so effectively or readily as fear. Nothing retards our spiritual progress like fear. Nothing destroys trust, friendship and faith faster than fear. Of all the weapons in the devil's armoury, fear is the most dreadful and devastating. It is to combat fear that we have published Bombast and Flitterflop's thoughts on the coronavirus pandemic. For humour—especially when it is underpinned with wisdom—is a powerful antidote to fear.

In the sidebar you will find a list of all twelve Astral Conversations these two intrepid investigators have shared with us. These remain perennial favourites with new and old readers alike as you can see from the many appreciative comments we've received about them over the years.

FLITTERFLOP: "I woke up this morning in a mad panic."


FLITTERFLOP: "I didn't have a dry cough, I hadn't lost my sense of smell, I wasn't feverish and I was breathing better than normal."

BOMBAST: "That's good, isn't it?"

FLITTERFLOP (shocked): "No—it's terrible! It means I'm an asymptomatic Covid carrier! I may have killed dozens of grannies without even knowing them!"

BOMBAST: "You've been listening to Professor Pantsdown and his cheerful chums Witless and Imbalance again, haven't you?"


BOMBAST: "Doomster Neil Ferguson, Chief Medical twit Chris Whitty and Chief scientific scaremonger, Sir Patrick Vallance. Ferguson, or Professor Pantsdown as he is not affectionately known, is the bloke who visited his married floozy—twice—while insisting the rest of us stay locked in our homes."

FLITTERFLOP: "What's wrong with that if he's married?"

BOMBAST: "They're both married, but to different people. He broke lockdown twice to give his squeeze a jolly good seeing-to."

FLITTERFLOP: "That sounds as if he doesn't think the virus is very dangerous."

BOMBAST: "He's not alone. The rules the Government has imposed on the country during the last fourteen months are like something made up by a crack-smoking lunatic with a mental age of five. Boris first assured us that it would only take 'two weeks to flatten the curve'―a catchy phrase that was quickly taken up across the pond. Yet, after more than 52 weeks the 'curve' is still looking decidedly bumpy. Then we were encouraged to 'eat out to help out'. The public lap up these infantile slogans like Manna from Heaven. Then we were told to stay at home and have meals delivered. That ended in tiers with quarantine for fourteen days if you tested positive. Then it was seven days, or five with a special test which naturally cost more than an ordinary test. First we were told masks don't protect you or others. This was backed up by the World Health Organisation. Then we were told masks do protect you and others and must be worn except when eating or drinking. This is some super-intelligent virus. It knows not to attack anyone stuffing their face with pizza but as soon as they get up to take a leak—Wham—it attacks! It was also made illegal for more than six people to meet indoors. But under new guidance introduced in October 2020 up to 30 people can enjoy lunch together so long as it's a business meeting or they're all grouse shooting."

FLITTERFLOP: "Grouse shooting? You've made that up."

BOMBAST: "No I haven't. It's in the Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) Regulations 2020, but it's since been quietly dropped after several complaints."

FLITTERFLOP: "From the grouse?"

BOMBAST: "It wouldn't surprise me."

FLITTERFLOP: "So it's all half-baked nonsense, then?"

BOMBAST: "No, it's completely baked, like furlough."

FLITTERFLOP: "What's wrong with that? I've been on furlough for over a year."

BOMBAST: "Likee?"

FLITTERFLOP: "What's not to like? I sit at home surfing the Net, do a bit of gardening when the weather's nice and sleep late every day. O. K., I have to do some paperwork and email it to the office but that only takes an hour or two at most. With the money I'm saving on train fares, sandwiches and coffee I'm better off than I was before the mad covid pandemic started."

BOMBAST (chuckling mischievously): "And you don't see any problem with that?"

FLITTERFLOP: "Only that it's got to end sometime. So what? I'll go back to work and be a bit poorer, that's all."

BOMBAST: "Are you sure? What's to stop your employer making you redundant when the Government cash runs out?"

FLITTERFLOP (nervously): "Why would he do that?"

BOMBAST (smugly): "Let's say he's been paying you three quid an hour to work from home and the Government have been topping that up to fifteen. What's to stop him getting some guy from India or Pakistan to do your job for a quarter of the money? It's a global economy now, you know."

FLITTERFLOP: "Bloody hell! I hadn't thought of that!"

BOMBAST: "You and four million others who'll all be jobless."

FLITTERFLOP: "Oh shit! Bugger!"

BOMBAST: "You might not be—buggered—I mean. You could re-train as a Covid Marshal, or in your case, lowly constable. Marshal is probably a bit ambitious for you."

FLITTERFLOP: "What a cheery soul you are."

BOMBAST: "Well—to be forewarned is to be forearmed, isn't it?"

FLITTERFLOP (wearily): "I suppose so. What about track and trace?"

BOMBAST: "That's in a league of its own for lunacy."


BOMBAST: "If a confirmed case lives alone, they mustn't receive visitors in case the hapless guests catch the dreaded plague from them. But if they live in a household of six, the other five members of the household are allowed to come and go as they please. So if granny lives on her own but looks forward to her grandson calling in every afternoon on his way home from school, he has to stop that dangerous behaviour. But if they lived in the same household they could spend as much time together as they liked."

FLITTERFLOP: "But that——"

BOMBAST (interrupting): "——doesn't make any sense. It gets worse. Let's suppose a household of six college students have all tested positive. All six then name their other five flatmates as contacts and each time a Track and Trace minion is given a name they have to log it as a separate contact. That means this particular household generates 30 contacts, all of which are logged in the system and passed on to 30 different contact tracers. Each student then gets five calls from five different contact tracers, all telling them exactly the same thing. The truly absurd part is that the contact tracer has to tell them to self-isolate for 14 days even though they've just been told by a lower level minion that they only have to isolate for 10 days because they're a confirmed case."

FLITTERFLOP: "So which is it—14 days or 10 days?"

BOMBAST: "The answer is 10, but as the contact tracers work alone, they don't know that. So confirmed cases who've been named as contacts end up having to isolate for four days longer than they need to. Typically, they're told they only have to isolate for 10 days by one minion, but then another one calls them up and tells them they have to isolate for 14 days."

FLITTERFLOP: "What about PCR testing? I heard that a papaya, coca-cola, and goat all tested positive."

BOMBAST: "I'm not surprised. Kary Mullins, who won a 1993 Nobel Prize for inventing the PCR testing process, said in a YouTube video that 'it's just a process that's used to make a whole lot of something out of something. That's what it is. It doesn't tell you that you're sick and it doesn't tell you that the thing you ended up with really was going to hurt you or anything like that'. As Mullins pointed out his PCR test is not specific for Covid-19 since it merely detects RNA which can come from all sorts of sources. In order to examine the RNA, the swab needs to be amplified by 25 to 30 times. If you amplify too much the result is not reliable because it picks up bits of debris left over from a cold or flu in the past. The World Heath Organization says that amplification should not exceed 30 times but this hasn't stopped our Government using amplifications of up to 40. The more tests, the more positive results. The Government call them 'cases', implying that each case is a walking germ factory spreading disease and death all around them."

FLITTERFLOP: "And are they?"

BOMBAST: "No. Since this madness began there have been dozens of mass demonstrations in London and other cities around the world opposing lockdowns. Most have involved tens of thousands of participants, few wore face nappies. Yet there has been no increase in hospital admissions or deaths."

FLITTERFLOP: "The fact that none of these demos have been reported by the mainstream media is another piece of the jigsaw that convinces me there is a global conspiracy to usher in the New World Order, Agenda 21 and scientific totalitarianism, and that maniacs like Klaus Schwab and Bill Gates are behind it."

BOMBAST: "I'm not. I think it's a colossal cock-up, though I grant you the pandemic is being exploited."

FLITTERFLOP: "How do you mean?"

BOMBAST: "Klaus Schwab's evil genius has been greatly exaggerated. He and Gates are just self-serving, power-hungry tools of the dark forces pulling their strings."

FLITTERFLOP: "Tools of the devil, you mean?"

BOMBAST: "Tools of Michaud's Iambus, rather. The devil is an invention of the Church fashioned as a convenient scapegoat for Man's vices. But there are such things as demons as we learned during our Astral Conversations. And they can and do influence men and women. But this still doesn't add up to your global conspiracy. Conscious collaboration between governments, scientists, doctors, business and the media on the global scale you're suggesting is a pipe dream. It's impossible for thousands of individuals to cooperate successfully for five consecutive minutes, never mind years in pursuit of a common goal."

FLITTERFLOP: "What about UNconscious collaboration?"

BOMBAST: "That's different. One journalist had called the exploitation of the pandemic 'a concatenation of interests' and others 'convergent opportunism.' In other words, various interest groups—political, pharmaceutical, scientific and financial—which would normally be in greater or lesser competition with one another for the biggest slice of the global power and money cake, are now more or less cooperating to pursue a common goal or goals. The 'Global Warming' hoax is an example of this. There are always self-seeking individuals and groups who will use any crisis to further their own interests. The covid pandemic is a gift for them that just keeps on giving. What's more, the combined actions of all these groups help to exacerbate the very conditions which play into their grubby hands."

FLITTERFLOP: "Such as ramping up the fear porn to shove more vaccines into the arms of the mindless hordes who think the poison is a passport to Benidorm?"

BOMBAST: "Exactly. Or PPE, testing, or any other commodity or service that will turn a quick buck or increase the power and influence of these lunatics over us. Nothing ensures a compliant population so well as fear. The greater the fear, the greater the compliance. This is not new. Machiavelli worked this out over 500 years ago and politicians have been employing his ideas successfully ever since. Fear is the stick governments, scientists and the media are beating us with and the carrot is the promise of safety that never quite delivers."

FLITTERFLOP: "How do you mean?"

BOMBAST: "On page three of the NHS' vaccination leaflet, COVID-19 vaccination A Guide for Adults they say 'we do not yet know how much it will reduce the chance of you catching and passing on the virus.' On page 5 they say 'some people may still get COVID-19 despite having a vaccination.' So even if you're desperate enough to have two doses you still won't be safe from the dreaded plague. Then there are the never ending 'variants' which require 'booster' vaccines, probably forever."

FLITTERFLOP: "That sounds more like a conspiracy than a cock-up to me. Lockdowns, Track and Trace, tier terror alerts, never-ending testing, compulsory face nappies, antisocial distancing can't all be a cock-up. Scientists and governments can't all be complete idiots, can they?"

BOMBAST: "Not all, no. But an awful lot of them are. You're not making sufficient allowance for sheer, human stupidity and greed. Not to mention panic when faced with a novel and potentially life-threatening crisis. Above all, politicians want to maintain their grip on power and be liked. It's why they visit hospitals and factories and kiss babies. A politician would rather murder their own granny than lose their place on the greasy pole of power. Many of the restrictions are simply the result of panic, others are driven by bad science. These aerosols have a lot to answer for."

FLITTERFLOP: "I know they're arseholes. But that doesn't mean all scientists are idiots. Nor does it answer my questions."

BOMBAST (laughing): "Not arseholes—AEROSOLS. The medical profession has been obsessed with them for years as the common vector for air-born viruses. Covid has just made the obsession worse."

FLITTERFLOP: "How do you mean?"

BOMBAST: "The feckless, fear-mongering arseholes—sorry 'top scientific experts'—advising the Government are convinced that infectious aerosols—the tiny droplets of water exhaled when we breathe—are the main way the virus—any virus—is transmitted from one person to another. That's the reason for all the restrictions and constantly changing, contradictory rules."

FLITTERFLOP: "Are they right?"

BOMBAST: "No. Even The Lancet—that bastion of medical orthodoxy—isn't sure face nappies offer much protection. A study published in the journal in July last year found that a conventional surgical mask only stops 30% of the small aerosol droplets thought to be associated with the virus. So 70% of the evil covids just sail straight through. Other studies show that even the best masks are too coarse to stop infectious aerosols passing through them. Some epidemiologists have compared the use of muzzles with trying to keep out mosquitoes with a chain-link fence."

FLITTERFLOP: "So face nappies are useless?"

BOMBAST: "Not if you want to rob a grocery store and avoid being snapped by CCTV cameras after you've legged it."

FLITTERFLOP: "Sushi Rink wears one to rob banks and gets away with it."

BOMBAST (startled): "Who?!"

FLITTERFLOP: "Our creepy, crooked chancellor—Rishi Sunak. It's an anagram for the smarmy git, minus the 'a' of course."

BOMBAST (laughing): "The missing 'a' standing for——"

FLITTERFLOP (interrupting): "——Aerosol. Exactly. What really gets up my nose are the Covidian zealots who accuse those who don't want the vaccine of being selfish, heartless granny killers."

BOMBAST: "There's a simple answer to that. Firstly, they're not vaccines. They're an experimental emergency use only gene-based medical treatment that won't have completed its safety trials until 2023. Secondly, if they work the vaccinated needn't fear the unvaccinated. If they don't work, why be a prick and get punctured?"

FLITTERFLOP: "I heard another good answer. If I die from a natural disease, it's the will of God. If I die from an experimental injection, it's the work of the devil."

BOMBAST: "Excellent. What would you say to those morons who compare vaccine refusal with drinking and driving?"

FLITTERFLOP: "I'd invite them to take a flight on a Boeing 737 Max with Professor Pantsdown at the controls. Let's have Mad Hancock as co-pilot and Princess Nut Nuts as the bimbo wheeling the drinks trolley down the aisle. You may have a safe trip or you may die horribly if the stability software kicks in and sends the plane diving into the ground. On the plus side captain Pantsdown has put in a dozen hours on his X-box flight simulator and Hancock has a degree in philosophy, politics and economics."

BOMBAST: "That should be enough to reassure even the most hesitant of patients—sorry, passengers."

FLITTERFLOP: "The fact that most countries want everyone, even kids, to be vaccinated with this poison spells conspiracy rather than a cock-up to me."

BOMBAST: "If it is a conspiracy it's a very disorganised one as the conspirators keep changing their minds and tactics."

FLITTERFLOP: "True, but the fear porn is constant. Whether it's a cock-up or conspiracy, or a combination of both, the future looks very dark to me."

BOMBAST: "Oh, I wouldn't say that. The present situation is grim and will probably get worse. But what people don't realize is that these things are not decided by any earthly authorities. Bozo Boris, Handycockup, Bill Gates, Schwab and their ilk may think they're in control, but they're only puppets dancing to the tune of their dark masters in the lower astral realms. And those masters can only go so far in their evil work and no further as we can read in Symphonie Fantastique and other books. We are all ultimately in the hand of God. What is divine in most people is being suppressed and thwarted by our present way of life. By greed, by selfishness, by ignorance, supported by corrupt governments and religions from which the spirit of truth and goodness has long since fled. In the long term these evils, tragic as they are in their immediate consequences of fear, suffering and loss provide hope for a better, wiser and kinder future for all Mankind."

FLITTERFLOP: "That sounds like something 'M' might have said."

BOMBAST: "Funny you should say that. When I asked him what he thought about the pandemic he put his finger to his lips and smiled."

FLITTERFLOP: "Well he would. He sees the big picture clearly. Most people only see a single frame through thick fog. No wonder they're scared shitless."

BOMBAST: "Maybe they'll wake up when they realize their fears are groundless."

FLITTERFLOP: "Didn't we discuss that in our final conversation?"

BOMBAST: "We did. I told you then that fear paralyses every higher aspiration. A person who gives way to fear is like a prisoner behind iron bars of his own making through which the light of faith, hope and courage cannot pass. Not only is he completely helpless, but those who might help him are powerless to come to his aid so long as he dwells within his self-made prison."

FLITTERFLOP: "Perhaps this chat will encourage people to escape from their prisons."

BOMBAST: "Perhaps..."


If Bombast and Flitterflop have encouraged you to think about the conclusions they reached in this investigation, or even just THINK, their labours will not have been in vain. You can find a list of their further investigations on our Homepage.

© Copyright Article published 20 June 2021.

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